An 80 year old man just bought a new corvette and was feeling pretty good going 70, then 80, then 90 when he noticed a state trooper behind him with his lights on. He sped up to 100, then 110 but then thought, What the hell am I doing, I'm going to kill myself, so he pulled over.
The trooper walks up to his car and says "mister my shift is over in half an hour and its Friday afternoon, if you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I haven't heard before, I'll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and then replied "3 years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back"
The trooper says "Have a nice weekend"
Nothing good happens after midnight